


You’ve always loved the strange birds

by StarberryCupcake



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, International Fanworks Day, International Fanworks Day 2015, M/M, Other, Trans Character, non binary enjolras, transphobia cw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 05:49:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3370142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarberryCupcake/pseuds/StarberryCupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Maybe another kid would have been afraid in that place, with the battered statues of angels with sad and vacant eyes and spiders creeping through the blurred glass of a leave-covered greenhouse. There were mermaids made of stone, sitting in dried up fountains, waiting for a tide that would never come. There were fairies, frozen mid-dancing, placed around trees and covered in tall grass. There were cherubs, playing inaudible music in their flutes, happy and mischievous in each other's company. And there was a boy, lying close to a green-looking pond. A boy who looked very real. Too real."</p><p>Enjolras meets Grantaire when xe's a confused and angry kid and Grantaire changes xyr life. Will it change again when they meet once more, after years have passed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You’ve always loved the strange birds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ibbyliv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ibbyliv/gifts).



> I wrote this silly little thing for the International Fanworks Day, instead of finishing the chapter of my mutant au. I was originally just gonna post it but I decided to make it a gift for [Ibbyliv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ibbyliv) who is an author I really admire and I wanted to wish a happy Fanworks Day to, in my humble, poorly-characterized and vaguely-creative way. I know I still have to read some of your latest stuff, I'm deeply sorry about that, but take into account that your awesomeness intimidates me and I'm not able to write if see your stuff first, because I feel I can never be as creative. I hope you like this or, at least, brightens your day and thank you for sharing your amazing creations with the world. The title of this work is from Birdy's song ["Strange Birds"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hxIGKNhW1Q) which I recommend listening to while reading, if you want.

Xe had found him the day xe got lost. Enjolras had planned to run away from the property, but xe ignored how far xyr father’s land reached. Being only 10 years old, xe was not trusted with such information, so xe just ran until xyr legs couldn't take it anymore. Which wasn't as far as xyr young mind thought, but it was enough.

Xe found a garden, an old and eerie garden that looked hauntingly beautiful under the decadence of what laid forgotten. Xe would describe it like so once xe grew older and learned more, read more; to xyr 10 years of age, though, it was like in the fairy tales xyr tutor didn't let xem read, yet xe sneaked away from the library whenever possible. Xe liked fairy tales, because they were about people who escaped their harsh realities, and xe wanted just that.

Maybe another kid would have been afraid in that place, with the battered statues of angels with sad and vacant eyes and spiders creeping through the blurred glass of a leave-covered greenhouse. There were mermaids made of stone, sitting in dried up fountains, waiting for a tide that would never come. There were fairies, frozen mid-dancing, placed around trees and covered in tall grass. There were cherubs, playing inaudible music in their flutes, happy and mischievous in each other's company. And there was a boy, lying close to a green-looking pond. A boy who looked very real. Too real.

Enjolras gasped. The boy looked so still, so unmovable, so…dead.

Xe walked closer, stepping carefully, feeling unsure. The boy was lying flat on the grass, hands over chest, and eyes shut close. The dark skin of his face was traced by the uneven pattern of the dim light that peeked through the leaves of the trees and his black curly hair was messy and filled with grass and twigs. There were stains on his clothes, scars on fabric which bled dirt and mud. Even in his stillness, he seemed more alive than Enjolras had ever been.

“ _Here in the forest, dark and deep, I offer you eternal sleep_ ” the boy suddenly murmured, with a theatrical voice.

Enjolras screamed and fell on the ground, surprised at the sudden motion.

“Sorry” the boy sat up, his curly hair gathering even more dirt and leaves “Didn't mean to scare you”

Enjolras looked at the boy with a mixture of fear and bewilderment, unable to move from xyr spot on the ground.

“It’s ok, I don’t bite” he smiled, pointing at two missing teeth “I can’t”

Enjolras sat straighter, but still didn't talk.

“It’s alright, Enjolras” the boy sat closer, across from xem.

“You know me?” Enjolras asked, with a ghost of a voice.

“Of course, your father owns the land where my family lives” he extended a dirt-covered hand “My name’s Grantaire”

Enjolras took it and shook it like xe had seen xyr father do in meetings.

“What did you say about sleeping?” Enjolras asked “When you woke up?”

“Oh, it was from a picture, I thought it was funny ‘cause you looked upset” he smiled “It’s called ‘The Poor Little Rich Girl’”

Enjolras frowned.

“Are you making fun of me?” xe asked, angry tears forming in xyr eyes “Are you too making fun of me because I look like a girl? Because I don’t care if I do!” Enjolras stood up hurriedly.

“No, wait, I wasn't making fun of you!” Grantaire ran after xem “I mean, I was but not because of that, it was because you came in here looking so angry”

“So?” Enjolras didn't look at him.

“So, why are you upset if you’re rich?” Grantaire stopped following xem “ _I_ should be upset because your dad wants to throw us out!”

Enjolras stopped in xyr tracks. Xe had never felt close to xyr father and had never agreed with him in anything, but it had always been for things that involved xem, xe ignored how xyr father was with the people who worked for him. Xe suddenly felt very selfish. 

“What?” xe asked, turning around.

“Your bum rag of a father wants my family out because we don’t work as fast as he wants and my dad’s angry with _me_ , because I’m useless and can’t work properly to help.” He sighed “He’s probably right.”

Enjolras walked towards the boy again and stopped at a distance, still hesitant.

“I’m sorry” xe said, honestly “I know father is…he is a…”

“Bum rag” Grantaire offered with a smirk.

“Yeah” Enjolras smiled “I’m sure you’re not useless”

“You don’t know that” Grantaire moved towards a moss-covered stone bench and signaled for Enjolras to sit beside him “Why are you sad?”

“You’re not gonna make fun of me?” xe sat, as far from the boy as the bench allowed.

Enjolras had never felt too comfortable around people.

“I promise” Grantaire nodded.

“My nana slapped me today because of something I said” Enjolras sighed, the sting in xyr cheek still burning “And I was upset because I don’t think I’m wrong”

“What did you say?” Grantaire asked, a worried look on his face.

“She said I had to ‘man up’, that if I keep looking so much like a girl, I should start wearing dresses.” Enjolras sighed “I said I didn't mind either way. Wearing pants or dresses, I mean. And she was angry, she said if I repeated that in front of father, he would beat me even worse than she did” Enjolras frowned “I don’t care. I am who I am. Whatever I wear.”

With xyr long blonde locks, big blue eyes with long thick lashes, small and delicate figure and soft, light skin; Enjolras had always appeared more feminine than masculine. But xe didn't feel quite one or the other. Xe still couldn't find how to describe it, but xe knew it couldn't be as bad as xyr family made it seem. It just _couldn't_. 

“I see.” He said “So you don’t feel like a boy and you don’t feel like a girl either?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think so…is it important, though? Shouldn't it matter that I’m _me_?” Enjolras looked at the boy and, for the first time, felt that someone was actually listening to xem.

“I think that what’s important is that you’re happy. At least, that’s what I’d want for my friends.” He scratched his head “My friend Éponine has to dress as a boy sometimes to help her dad at work, because the factory doesn't allow young girls, but she's the same Éponine anyway, with pants or skirt. All I want is for her to be happy and free one day." his attention seemed to get stolen by a passing bird of strangely colorful plumage, one that Enjolras had never seen before "You know, I think that if all the birds were just the same, it would all be very boring." he looked at Enjolras, his green eyes glistening in the afternoon sun "Sometimes the strangest ones are the ones I find more beautiful.”

After he said that, Grantaire blushed softly and looked away.

“Thank you” Enjolras smiled back, shyly.

“But you’re too clean for a bird” Grantaire added “Don’t you play outside?”

“They don’t let me get dirty. And I have to study, I don’t have time to play” Enjolras looked at the ground beneath xyr feet as a foreign thing.

“You don’t have friends?” Grantaire asked, unbelieving.

“Mother said I’ll make friends when they send me to boarding school” xe said.

“Then we can be friends right now!” Grantaire smiled brightly, his mouth clearly showing his missing teeth “Until you go and find more friends”

Enjolras looked at him in awe and smiled even more brightly. That afternoon, xe got scolded heavily for xyr dirty clothes and messy hair, but xe just kept smiling.

* * *

Xe was 20 when xe returned to the garden. Grantaire had been xyr only friend for two years, before xe moved to boarding school. He had also been xyr first love, but Grantaire had never known that. Enjolras had cherished their friendship, since it would last only for xyr remaining time in the house, so xe hadn't wanted to complicate it and put Grantaire in an awkward position before leaving. Xe didn't want xyr father to find out about xyr feelings for a boy and turn his anger towards Grantaire’s father, who would punish Grantaire more than he already had, even for minor things. Xe didn't want xyr feelings to end up hurting the only person who had been genuine and kind to xem. 

They hadn't parted ways very amicably, though. They started fighting often, because Enjolras wanted to change the world and Grantaire thought it was impossible. Enjolras wanted a world in which people could be themselves, a world in which families like Grantaire’s wouldn't have to work that hard for a right that should be theirs, a world were girls like Grantaire’s friend Éponine didn't have to hide themselves to find proper jobs, a world that was as free and equal as their own little garden.

But Grantaire thought it just wasn't meant that way. He thought it was a joke. So Enjolras got angry and said things xe regretted that very evening, as xe traveled to the boarding school that was to become xyr home for the following 8 years.

Xe returned with xyr three friends, to show them the place where everything had started. Where xyr thoughts of freedom and equality and a world without boundaries for identity and imagination had taken shape. If they were to change the world together, xe wanted them to see what had inspired xem. 

“This is all so poetic,” Cosette smiled brightly and almost skipped in her pastel-colored dress, her chubby figure mixing with the greenery like a painting come to life “and inspiring...”

“We appreciate that you trust us with this, Enjolras” Combeferre said, walking beside xem “We understand it’s important to you”

“It could have been in a less complicated path, through” Courfeyrac attempted not to fall while avoiding tree roots and branches “But I guess it adds to the mystery of your person”

“I’m not mysterious, Courfeyrac” Enjolras smiled “It’s just a garden”

“It isn't _just_ a garden to you, Enjolras” Cosette turned, her blonde curls swaying in the wind “So it isn't to us either”

“Uh…guys…” Courfeyrac, who was walking ahead of them all, was looking at something beyond the battered entry gate “I think we’re not alone”

When they all reached the place where Courfeyrac stood, they saw what he was referring to.

There was a group of people - nine, to be precise - sitting around a couple of opened picnic baskets and surrounded by a feast of fresh baked goods and sweet scented tea. They had flower crowns, guitars and looked like the watercolor illustration of a fairy tale book come to life. They were laughing and singing and their energy floated in the air, turning the old and battered garden into a place filled with life once more.

And then Enjolras saw him. He was broad now, and xe could see it clearly because the expanse of his back was to xem, but he still had dark, untamed curls and skin that glowed with the setting sun. There was someone sitting on his lap, someone with long and auburn hair braided and filled with flowers of different colors. They both giggled together, comfortable in their proximity, while a girl with long black hair who Enjolras could identify as a grown-up Éponine, fed them grapes from her position beside them. Enjolras understood that xe had taken the right choice by never returning. Xe had never had that with Grantaire. 

“Maybe we should lea-“ Enjolras begun, softly, but was not able to finish.

“I have never in my life witnessed such beauty” Courfeyrac said, his voice loud enough for the group to turn to them.

He advanced towards the circle of people and stopped in front of Grantaire and his companions. Enjolras covered xyr face in horror and Combeferre growled in frustration. Cosette just smiled.

“I was told this place was hauntingly beautiful” Courfeyrac said, looking intently at the eyes of the person sitting on Grantaire’s lap “but I did not know fae folk existed”

“ _Then away and away I will wander, and measure the minds of the flowers_ ,” Grantaire’s companion recited with a musical voice, as they stood up to face Courfeyrac eye to eye _“_ _and gaze on the meadow-mice wary, and number their days and their hours-_ ”   
  
“ _You're wasting away, little fairy_ ” Courfeyrac smiled “Yeats, right?”

Their eyes gleamed with awe and their smile took over their features.

“Jehan” they said, extending their hand to Courfeyrac, never unhooking their eyes from his.

“Courfeyrac” he kissed their hand “Enchanted to meet you, Jehan”

Enjolras wanted to bury xemself alive.

“Courfeyrac, I think we’re interrupting this lovely picnic” Cosette, thankfully more conscious of the situation, offered “We better leave and return once we’re not bothering anyone”

“You’re not bothering!” someone with a freckled face and short sandy hair stood up and exclaimed, unnecessarily loudly “You’re…you’re not bothering us” they blushed crimson and looked away “Right?” they looked for their friends’ approval.

“Of course not!” A very broad person, with tattoos over their arms added, their head on someone else’s lap “You’re not interrupting if you’re invited!”

“Combeferre, I don’t think…” Enjolras murmured to xyr friend, taking his arm.

“Hear that, Enjolras, we’re invited!” Courfeyrac sat comfortably beside his new-found fae.

“Enjolras?” Éponine, still sitting close to Grantaire, asked, and they all turned to xem.

Even Grantaire himself.

They all looked at xem as if xe was a ghost, which could seem the case, given that xe had turned extremely pale under such attention. 

“You know xem?” Courfeyrac asked, taking a cup of tea that Jehan was offering him. 

“Grantaire does” Jehan said with a mischievous smile, looking at the man whose lap they were formerly occupying.

“You’re _the_ Grantaire?” Courfeyrac asked, and Enjolras wanted to drag him away from there, from his feet if necessary.

“Apparently so” Grantaire answered, still looking at Enjorlas with an unreadable expression.

“And you’re _the_ Enjolras” Jehan looked at xem with a glint in their eyes.

Enjolras squeezed Combeferre’s arm unknowingly and xyr friend took xyr hand.

“Maybe we should leave” he said “like Cosette suggested, we don’t want to inconvenience anybody…”

“You’re running away again?” Grantaire asked, his eyes fixed on Enjolras, only moving almost imperceptibly to look where Combeferre’s hand was holding xyrs.

“What?” Enjolras said, frowning.

“I asked if you were running away _again_?” Grantaire’s voice was louder, stronger.

And Enjolras’s had become so too.

“I didn't run away!” xe advanced, leaving Combeferre behind “I went to school, I told you…”

“And you didn't even come for vacations?” Grantaire stood up, defiantly “Your beloved father’s birthday? Christmas?” he continued.

“I couldn't” Enjolras’s frown deepened, xyr eyes flaring.

Just like when xe left. It was happening again. And xe couldn't stop it. 

“Why not?” Grantaire asked “Because of _me_?”

“Yes, because of _you_!” Enjolras answered, and Grantaire suddenly stopped.

His green eyes seemed to darken with Enjolras’s words and his resolve seemed to falter. Around them, everything was silence and, even if Enjolras knew that there was people watching them, xe felt as if the garden was just for them once more.

“I wanted to give you the chance of getting away” Enjolras’s voice dissipated into a sigh “I wanted to let you go” xe whispered into it. 

“Get away from what?” Grantaire seemed upset, even more than before “What was I to get away from?”

“Me!”

“Don’t play the victim now, Enjolras, don’t try to make it seem like you did it for me” Grantaire sneered.

“I did, you idiot!” Enjolras glared “What would have happened if someone found out? What would have happened when my father heard? When he blamed yours? When he blamed _you_?”

“For what? Blame me, _why_?” his green eyes pierced through Enjolras and everything seemed lost, drowned in them.

“Because I fell in love with you!” Enjolras exclaimed, and the silence returned, even heavier.

Xe felt Cosette gasp and knew her enough to venture that she was covering her mouth with her hand. Xe could feel Combeferre getting closer, prepared to carry xem away if necessary. Xe could see, from the corner of xyr eyes, that Courfeyrac was getting up, ready to leave with xem if xe so wanted to.

But Enjolras stood there, xyr chest feeling less heavy, as if that secret had belonged to the garden all along and had wanted to be set free there, had been waiting for years to fly among the trees and between the dancing fairies of stone, like a strange-colored bird.

“I’m sorry, Grantaire” Enjolras said, looking everywhere but at him “I’m sorry that I hurt you, I’m sorry all this happened” xe turned away “you were kind to me and I wish I would have been able to give you something in exchange that was as important as that was to me, even if in the end you didn't believe in me anymore”

Enjolras stepped towards the gate, hugging xemself and not looking at xyr friends, not able to. Xe didn't really want to leave, xe felt as if the garden was pulling xem in, calling xem back to it.

“I never stopped” Grantaire’s voice reached xem “believing in you, I mean”

Enjolras stood in place, yet xe didn't turn.

“I think the world is terrible, but that doesn't mean I don’t believe in you” his voice was soft, caring “I saw you transform in front of my eyes, from a confused and worried kid into a strong and determined person, and I was afraid”

“Afraid of what?” Enjolras turned then, xyr eyes fixed on his.

“That you were meant for so much more…that I was going to pull you back” Grantaire’s eyes fell “I was afraid that I wasn't good enough to love you”

Enjolras felt as if the garden was taking over the world and it was only them in it. Xe could see the shadows of the people around them, their bodies like blurred forms taking shape out of the corner of xyr eyes, but xe didn't mind. It was just Grantaire; his hesitant smile, his deep green eyes, his skin caressed by the dim light that entered through the trees, his wild curls with grass and flowers in it. The same Grantaire. Still there in the garden. Always there in the garden. 

“Would you stay?” he asked “For our picnic?” he gestured towards his friends, who were looking at them as if the scene was a tale coming to life in front of them.

“If you want me to” Enjolras offered.

“I think he just made it clear that he wants just that!” one of his friends, who was wearing a colorful hat over a bald head, shouted.

“You heard them, we stay!” Courfeyrac walked towards xem and grabbed xyr shoulder kindly “right?”

“Yes, Courfeyrac, you can stay” Enjolras smiled.

The boy sat down beside Jehan and gazed lovingly while a flower was placed on his own dark hair.

“Unless they throw you out after you make a fool out of yourself again” Combeferre added, patting Enjolras’s back kindly as he passed xem, reassuring; and he sat between the person with the colorful hat and another one with an easy smile and a very large handkerchief.

“Well, I guess we’ll just find somewhere to sit” Cosette kissed xyr cheek when she passed beside xem.

“Here!” the freckled person, who had eagerly shouted before, signaled for Cosette to sit beside them.

“I think our friends will get along just fine” Grantaire whispered, standing beside xem.

“I believe so” Enjolras looked at the group, which seemed to fit together as if it was meant to, as if the garden was welcoming them to join and become something new together. Something stronger. Something that could change the world. 

“They’ll like your ideas, they’ll be better listeners than I was”

“You did listen, you listened very well” Enjolras turned to him “You just heavily and passionately disagreed, which is good”

“Good?” Grantaire laughed. 

“Of course, as long as we argue more calmly and don’t ignore each other for 8 years afterwards”

Grantaire seemed about to say something back, which Enjolras was counting on and expecting with a smile, but he did otherwise.

“Would it complicate things with your father if I asked you on a date?” he asked, hopeful.

Enjolras’s smile faltered for a second, with a pleasant sense of surprise, like only Grantaire could give xem, sinking in xyr chest like a long lost friend returning.

“My father stopped being a complication when he disowned me 2 years ago” xe answered “What about yours?” xe frowned with worry.

“Haven’t heard from him since I moved out, 6 years ago” Grantaire smiled as if it was the best news he could provide.

“Then it’d be my pleasure” Enjolras took his hand and looked at his deep green eyes one more time.

From such a close distance, xe could see the garden reflected in them, and it looked more beautiful, more haunting than ever.

Grantaire leaned in and kissed xem tentatively, carefully, as if he was afraid to ruin something in such a precious moment, and Enjolras embraced him confidently, not letting him go again, not ever.

A sudden wind blew around them and leaves - yellow, red, green leaves - showered them like a blessing, like the approval of the garden itself which had brought them together and celebrated them in the magical way it had of doing so. As their lips found each other once and again, they didn't notice the bright and colorful bird that flew above them, one that had passed them in the same garden, many years before. 

**Author's Note:**

> * I intentionally made the time frame and location for this work vague. The references I provided like Yeats's "The Fairy Pendant" and the movie "The Poor Little Rich Girl", give a limit of 1917 at least, but I wanted to leave it rather timeless and also free of a certain geographical location, to some extent, because the idea of the garden was of a place beyond time and space for Enjolras, so I thought letting the reader choose went better with the story. I don't know if I succeeded. 
> 
> * This is more or less told in Enjolras's point of view, with some omnipresent freedom here and there, so the reason why xe initially identifies Grantaire as a cis male is because xe's still unaware of how to proceed gender-identity-wise (turns out Grantaire, in this fic, is cis male). Once xe meets everyone else, I used "they" for everyone xe didn't know, except for Grantaire and Éponine, who xe already knew. (Also, Grantaire's comment on Éponine when they were little references to the only comparable example he knew at the time, it wasn't my comparison, the situation is obviously very different, but Grantaire didn't quite understand until they grew older). I used xe for Enjolras all through the story because getting into transition specifically and in extension would have been much too complex for this specific fic, yet I wanted to vaguely reference it; but I wanted to write it with the narrative freedom of knowing xyr preferred pronoun from the start. The vagueness of the time frame allowed me (I think) to be less strict with how to deal with that chronologically wise, but if it still feels poor to you, you're probably right and I apologize. 
> 
> * Of course that Marius is who invites Cosette to stay, Bossuet and Joly are the ones who sit with Combeferre and Bahorel is the one with tattoos, placed comfortably over Feuilly's lap. I'm sad this fic hadn't enough Feuilly for my liking, I'm sorry my hardworking baby. 
> 
> * This is un-beta'ed and all mistakes are mine and mine alone, I apologize in advance, and if I missed pronouns or confused them, I'm truly sorry, English isn't my first language and I'm still learning to handle properly the ones I wasn't thought at school. Which is a problem for another discussion, another time. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, it means more than you'll ever know, especially with my low self esteem on writing at the moment. You can find an illustrative post for this fic in my tumblr [here](http://starberry-cupcake.tumblr.com/post/111156681780/youve-always-loved-the-strange-birds-an-e-r-fic), btw.


End file.
